Ben and Kilee

Ben and Kilee

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Stretching

I recently bought two books I have been desperately wanting to read: Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielson and Be the Miracle by Regina Brett. Ever since I have discovered these books, they have been at the top of my mental to-read shelf because I know they will inspire me and uplift me.

I was right. I started both books yesterday. Be the Miracle is more like 50 short essays that each focus on teaching some kind of life lesson for "making the impossible possible." I read the introduction and the first four lessons and have already been really touched by the stories shared and my hope for personal growth as I read this book. Heaven is Here is a memoir about a woman who suffered more than I can even imagine (surviving a fiery plane crash that burned 80% of her body) and how her faith and hope helped her stay alive and regain her joyful life. I haven't finished it yet, but I have already read through her getting released from the hospital.

So far, I feel that I am accomplishing what I was hoping for as I read these two books: a personal gratitude for my life and an increased faith and strength for my own life. As I have been reading these two books, I have also been studying articles from this year's April Ensign, which focus on Christ and the family. I have learned a lot, which I would like to share with you all.

Through my own trials, I have gone through phases of optimism but also questioning why this is happening to me. Sometimes, I get angry that God has allowed certain things to happen to me. Sometimes, I develop a deep humility and gratitude for the life lessons I am learning. Sometimes, I'm just here and don't really know what I am doing, but I am simply trying to rely on the Savior's Atonement to give me strength to get through another day. I don't always have the best attitude, but sometimes I surprise myself with great optimism.

I have realized through my own course of study, along with reading these books and the Ensign recently, that sometimes we are stretched, even when intensely painful, to grow better. It's like physical therapy. When you have an injury, you have to endure painful stretches that you don't want to do. Because. They. Hurt. But the only way to get better and develop more flexibility is to stretch yourself, even though it hurts. God knows what He is doing when he challenges us with trials. If we are faithful, He will not give us challenges beyond our capacity to bear. Praying for the trial to be taken away doesn't always work. What will always work is praying for God to bless us with the strength to bear the trial and strength to keep enduring. The strength He blesses us with will help us get through it. God loves us. He hears our prayers. Sometimes we have to go through hard things, but that's what makes us better. It's part of the test of mortality.

Sometimes, I think to myself, "I don't want to be here. What was I thinking when I agreed to come to earth and do all these hard things?" Then I remember that my spirit in the pre-mortal world had much more knowledge than I do now. I knew what I was getting myself into, and I knew that this was the only way to gain exaltation. I knew that God would not leave me alone and that Christ would always be on my side. In this life, I blindly follow them because I know that if I had all the knowledge I would follow them no matter what.

I know that life is hard. It's meant to be hard. I am eternally grateful for the gospel and the knowledge I have of God and Jesus Christ. I am grateful for all the tender mercies that God blesses me with and the strength He gives me to keep going when I barely have the courage to face another day.

And I'm so grateful that I married my best friend and one of the nicest men in the world. He is a blessing to me from God. God knew all along it would take someone special to handle me, and I'm grateful that He shaped me and led me right where I belong.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

California

Here is the long-awaited post about our trip to California!

Monday morning, I woke up still with my lower back pain, so I went in for my adjustment and stretching. We still weren't sure if we should go to CA, so after talking and thinking about it a lot, we decided to pray about it. We felt like we should go, so we took that leap of faith, knowing that my back would probably be in severe pain by the time we got to our hotel. I'm so glad we followed what we felt was right! The vacation was so good for us!

As we drove, we stopped about every hour and a half for me to get out, walk around, and stretch out. My back was really tight the whole time. But I didn't regret it. I just held onto the fact that we felt like we should go and that God would help my back hold out. We came across a man stuck at a rest area in the desert and had the opportunity to give him some of the water and food we had packed for our trip. That in itself was a cool experience and made me glad we went ahead with our trip.

By the time we got to our hotel, my back was actually feeling pretty good (all things considered). So we unpacked and went to the grocery store then came back and watched a movie.

Tuesday we decided to take it easy, allowing my back to heal, but doing enough that my back could also gain some strength. So we watched some movies and went to the beach. It was really cold, actually, for the beach. No one was there. We collected shells, watched the waves crash, ran into the freezing water then ran back out onto the sand. It was still hard for me to get around, and walking on the sand was painful because the ground was so uneven. So we didn't stay at the beach for more than an hour, but it was a great hour :)




We finished off the day with dinner, a walk around the area of our hotel, and Everybody Loves Raymond.

Wednesday we went to Universal Studios! Yay! I underestimated the cold, so we ended up having to buy a jacket for me because the cold makes my back hurt even more. Oops. But we had fun! We did a tour of the sets and stuff, and we also did a couple of other rides (Jurassic Park, Transformers, Simpsons) and watched some shows. I also got to take a picture with my favorite cartoon character EVER! Ben didn't want to take pictures with any characters :(







We stayed at Universal for about six hours. That was pretty good :) Then went back to the hotel to rest and be together. I didn't want to over-do it because tomorrow would be DISNEYLAND!!

Thursday and Friday were Disneyland! At the direction of Dana Adcock (a great friend, and one of my professors I work under at BYU), we went to California Adventure first and played Midway Mania! That is one of the most fun theme park rides! We loved it! Between Thursday and Friday, we did almost all the rides Disneyland and California Adventure offered, and some we did multiple times (California Screamin and Tower of Terror). We finally figured out how to get the most rides for our time spent there. I wish we had been able to do more shows, but with my back, we couldn't stay long enough to do the night shows, which were the ones I wanted to see the most. We did see Aladdin, which was so funny! I loved Disneyland! It made me want to have a child with us so we could see the excitement of a child and do even more childish things. So, needless to say, we are excited to go next year with our nieces and nephews for our Luthi family vacation! My favorite rides were Tower of Terror, California Screamin, the Nemo submarine ride, and the Peter Pan ride. I also really liked the Winnie the Pooh ride lol. And Mr. Toad's ride too. It was just so fun!

We bonded a lot :)

 Together, Ben and I are like Gaston. Apparently :)
 By myself, I was most like Tink though.

 Ben as the lone rider on Splash Mountain. 




I love Little Mermaid!

Saturday, we bummed around. We went to the beach again and actually swam this time (even though it was still cold!). It was really about just relaxing and being together before heading back to Utah and our crazy lives. 


And that wraps up our vacation! Now we are back in our busy lives. Ben is working full-time with his internship at Northwestern Mutual, and I am keeping busy at one job, looking for another, and trying to find time to read and play with my camera and paints. Ps, I am starting a separate blog for my art/photography. If anyone is interested, I can post the link for yall. It currently just has some of Rachael and Eric's engagement pics.


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Post Zion

After Zion, however, things went a little downhill. So we were camping Thursday through Saturday. Saturday night, while we were watching a movie in the grass outside our apartment, my back started feeling really awful (laying on the grass again, after 2 nights of sleeping on rocks). I went to bed, hoping to get a good night's rest on my real bed and feel better in the morning. The plan was to leave for California right after church.

It was not to be.

I woke up Sunday barely able to move. My lower back was in the most extreme pain it has been since high school (I have had lots of back issues off and on since 11th grade). Ben gave me a blessing at about 6 in the morning, then we went back to sleep for a bit. I woke up again, still barely able to move. But I forced myself up and got ready for church. I just KNEW that if I made it to church, God would bless me and we could still go to California.

Nope.

We barely made it through the sacrament, then we left. I could hardly walk, and had to lean on him to support myself. Getting in and out of the car was a nightmare too. But we managed to get home, then I just laid back on the bed and slept/cried the rest of the morning. Getting to California was nowhere in my mind. I wanted to have faith that we could go, but it seemed less likely by the minute.

Backtrack.

This is why the idea of not going to CA was so devastating: when we planned it, we really felt like it was something we should do. We felt like we were guided to the vacation plans we ended up with, and we were really excited about it. We needed a getaway from life. From school. From people. And get as far away from home as possible with the amount of money we felt reasonable. THAT is why not going killed me.

Anyway,
I ended up texting my chiropractor (he gives his patients his cell number in case of emergencies) and asked him if I could have an emergency appointment as early as possible on Monday. Miracle: he actually invited me to his house and adjusted me and helped me stretch for about 40 minutes. Talk about the rare doctor who really cares about helping you get better. Talk about God watching over me. I was reminded that on this earth, we all act as the hands of God.

Despite the adjustment and stretching, I was still in a significant amount of pain, and we weren't sure if we would be able to go to CA. But we hoped and prayed that I would be good enough to go.

Monday morning, I woke up still stiff and hurting, but not nearly as bad. I went to the chiropractor to get adjusted, then we went home, unsure of what to do. Logic told me that I should not even attempt to sit in the 10 hour car ride to Anaheim. But my heart told me that we really needed to go.

So we prayed.

We really poured our hearts out and, in the end, felt like going to CA was the right thing. That was another testament to me that God hears my prayers. Of course, this could all have happened differently. The answer could have been no, and that would have been hard. Or we may not have been able to determine the answer, as has happened to me many times. But we felt like we should go. So we went. And that trip is going to be in the next post :)

All this really made me think. For whatever reason, God did not want us to go on Sunday. Maybe we would have gotten in a really bad accident or something. Or maybe it was just a little trial of faith and patience to see what we would do. No matter what, I know that God is there. He is watching over us. He hears and answers our prayers on HIS TIMELINE. My back is not perfect now. Nor has it been perfect for a very long time. But I know there is a reason for this and that when I have set-backs, I shouldn't mope around whining or crying because once again, I am suffering some cruel punishment. No, God is blessing me to learn and grow through this trial. And through it all, He gives me little miracles and tender mercies that show His love. Such as being able to hike for 8ish hours in Zion. And being able to withstand a 10-hour car-ride to California when the day before, I could barely walk or sit through church. Looking back, I learned a lot from that little (big) trial, and I know it was good, even though it was painful.


Zion and some other stuff

We just came back from grand adventures in Zion National Park and Anaheim, CA. There are so many stories to tell! To spare everyone a super long post, I will do this in segments.

First, Zion.

I love hiking. I haven't really had much experience camping because my dad hates camping. I think I have camped once or twice with my family (not counting setting up the tent in our backyard); the other times have been on trek. I enjoyed trek a lot, and I love the great outdoors, so we planned this trip to Zion with Shaun and Brooke Merritt.

It was fun! We camped over two nights. The day in between, we hiked all day.

It was special for me. With my back issues, I hadn't really dreamed that I could just hike all day. But I did! It was truly a blessing, and a simple sign that God is watching over me.
And while we were out, we not only had lots of time to talk, but also to reflect on God's creations and the majesty of the earth.

The earth is a spectacular thing, is it not? I can't even imagine the creation. All I can do is sit in awe and wonder at the fabulousness of it all.






Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Intramural Champs!

I have waited four years to be an intramural champion. Through my injuries and sicknesses, my dream has been to "get the shirt."

I got it :)

What a great way to end my last semester of classes!

Ben was SUPER excited. He had to take pictures with me first. 
He wouldn't let me gather my team. Lol


The team

Seniors! Last opportunity for the shirt!


Been playing together for four years. About time. 

 The deadly duo

Easter Part II

 I put bubbles in Ben's Easter basket. He was confused, but when we went outside and blew bubbles, I knew he was secretly in love with the bubbles. It was fun!



AND these are our cute little egg monsters :)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter

Here comes a long post. Stick with it. It's good :)

This Easter season has been a wonderful time.

I don't think I have ever really thought about the meaning of Easter before. I mean, I have always known it's about Jesus Christ and His resurrection, but it just hasn't really been a big holiday for me. Definitely not as big as Christmas. After this year, I decided it should be.

What is Easter really about?
Well, what it comes down to is love.

Christ, in His infinite love for us, suffered and died for our sins and pains. This merciful act satisfied the demands of justice that would otherwise constrain us from coming back to live with our Father in Heaven. If not for Christ, we would have no hope for eternal life. We would be stuck in endless misery because we are not perfect. If we come unto Him and try to live our lives after the pattern He has set, we can gain eternal life.

Because Christ was resurrected, we too can be resurrected. This is also a symbol of Christ and Heavenly Father's love. We can be resurrected and have perfect bodies and be with our families in eternity.

Now, this is about to be a slight change of thoughts. As I was thinking about the meaning of Easter, I wondered why we have the Easter bunny and candy and eggs and stuff. How does that relate to the real meaning? It feels sacrilegious to celebrate the holiday both ways (I also have opinions about Santa too that I struggle with around Christmastime). Anyway, I grew up with the Easter bunny coming on Saturday so it didn't distract the real meaning on the Sunday. Ben grew up with it on Sunday, so it's been a little debate as we try to decide what to do with our own family.

It hit me today, that if we can tie the elements of the world's way of celebrating to the Christian way, it works. So, as I was pondering, I decided at least for this year that I am hiding Ben's Easter basket and celebrating with candy and eggs today because I LOVE HIM. I have been so excited to hide his basket and watch him search for it because I love him and it's a fun thing to do. So, we did do that today.

Ben, knowing that I wanted it to be spiritual, planned a great thing for my basket (which I wish I had thought of myself). While he did have candy in there for me (and a necklace with an infinity loop on it), he also had an egg with a scripture in it. We read the scripture together, then there was a keyword that led me to where another egg was hidden with another scripture and so on until I found a letter with his testimony of Christ in it. YES, LADIES, HE IS TAKEN. It was beautiful. The most beautiful Easter-egg hunt I have ever experienced.

 He found his basket...

 A spider-man yo-yo? Seriously. 
Yes, Ben. I did put that in it :)

 I found mine too!

 The infinity necklace and my first scripture clue.

I also want to share this thing that my grandma gave me today that explains how the worldly things fit in to Easter.

"The word Easter comes from Eastre, the name of the Anglo-Saxon goddess of Spring, also meaning 'to rise.' Her symbol was the hare. Rabbits are known for the many babies they bare. They remind us of new life. This explains the custom of the Easter bunny delivering Easter eggs. What the rabbit is really delivering is the message of Christ's rebirth.


"The egg is a symbol of the tomb where Jesus laid. So it was on that glorious Easter morn, the stone was rolled away, and from the tomb Jesus arose from the dead. The miracle of Jesus rising from death to new life is the great message of Easter.


"The Easter basket symbolizes Christ carrying our burdens, our sins. If we just repent and follow Him.


"A beautiful part of Easter are the flowers. A lifeless looking bulb is buried in the earth. Soon a lovely white Easter lily grows and blossoms. Any flower that grows from a bulb such as a tulip or daffodil is a symbol of the resurrection. The bulb stands for the tomb of Jesus, the blossom--His life after death.


"A new bonnet or new clothes for Easter Sunday has meaning also. When people were baptized long ago, they wore a new fresh robe afterwards. Wearing a new Sunday outfit is a symbol of taking off the old and putting on the new.


"Painted eggs, bunnies, new born chicks, lambs, white lilies, and new clothes. All these stand for Easter, each in a different way. And they help us to remember that all of the beautiful things of spring and new life point tot he testimony of Christ's rebirth.


"Let us all rejoice in His resurrection by living a life of happiness and joy which we can have as we share our love for one another by being kind, loving and doing service for others."

When I read this, I was in love. I don't know where it came from or if the goddess thing is true. I didn't research it. But it makes sense, and it makes me feel better about the world-traditions for Easter when I understand the symbolism behind it. Even though many people probably forget the symbolism, this will stick with me, and I hope to teach my kids the real meaning of Easter. I hope they can understand it and love it as much as I do.

I loved thinking about Christ so much, and I really internalized the hymns and stuff we sang. I can't wait for most Easters like this one. 

Happy Easter, everyone!